Dismissal time. I Alright. Ready to go.
I dashed across the floors and stairs to the front gate of my school. I hurriedly left my things and look around.
Time check. 4:08 p.m. I still have a lot of time.
Good. Nothing else to do, huh?
I briskly walked back to my classroom. Thinking I might find something to do. I saw my classmates leave one by one and there, they left a room. A room that looks like as if it was a giant trashcan. Dust, papers, styros and plastics everywhere. It’s true that I don’t usually clean my classroom yet I hate seeing something as untidy as that. When no one was around anymore, I tried cleaning it with a single broom stick that we have. I swung the stick with power and sent those papers and plastics flying all to the corner of the room. I imagines myself playing golf at that time.
After a few minutes of non-stop swinging and stuff, a girl from the other section came to the room. She was cleaning their room with her classmates. She called out to me and said.
“Hey, let’s go.”
Immediately, I replied.
“I not done cleaning yet. Look at this mess.”
“Some things are need to be left as is. ”
“But it is dirty. I don’t want to leave it as this.”
“Look, you need to leave this. You shouldn’t let others wait too long. If you do that, they might just leave. You’ll be returning to nothing. You need to let go.”
She was probably pertaining to that time when I left someone alone too long just to chase her and walk with her to the station. That’s another tale to tell. Then, I said.
“But this is still a mess. I should clean it.”
“Why not tomorrow?”
“I can’t. I’m always late.”
“Then, try going here early.”
“Let me just look for the dust pan……and it’s gone.”
With that, I was left with no choice but to leave the room as is. Still a mess.
I walk with her and her friends a bit too awkward. Not only do I not know them that much, they are from the other class. I just walked silently and separated from them when we were at the ground floor.
I hurried to the front gate. Looking for two persons which were nowhere to be found.
Nothing else to do. I thought I should just leave.
Near the front gate was a ice cream cart where a classmate of mine stands. He approached me without hesitation. He asked.
“Are you leaving?”
Without thinking, I replied. “Yes. But I can stay with you if that’s fine with you.”
We sat at the guard house while he eats ice cream. I saw her and her friends leave the school gates. But then, she came back and went to me. She asked.
“Can I borrow money from you? My friends are hungry and I want to treat them ice cream. I’ll pay you.”
Being soft-hearted enough or so I thought, I answered.
“I’ll just treat you this time. It’s fine. No need to worry about paying me.”
Even though I already knew that she knew that I would treat her if she asked me, I still did. She is indeed someone special to me and she knew I would not hesitate treating her. I could not reject things she asked of me. I would always treat her and maybe I do it all the time and it’s wrong, she never did stop from accepting it. Maybe I am spoiling her but I don’t know.
Anyway, I treated her and her friends. I bought one for myself too.
And that is when it happened.
I was walking across the road, to the ice cream cart when a accelerating motorcycle came by. It was moving closer and closer to me. Yet I did nothing but look at it. Dumbfounded. Not thinking at all. It came near. Then, I thought, I getting hit by this motorcycle, should I move? I ain’t even nervous. I ain’t even feeling anything. Time slowed down for a while. Nothing really in my mind. Nothing at all. Reflexively, I jumped, barely avoiding the motorcycle which continued moving in the same direction, not even thinking of avoiding me in the first place. I felt nothing. I stand stunned I think?
Then, I paid for the ice creams and gave it to her as if nothing really almost happened. Well, nothing really did happen but what if I really got hit? Would they even care to help? Would they actually be concern? I thought I always wanted to know what it felt like to be in those incidents. I wanted to know if it bothered them even just one bit. Maybe I shouldn’t have moved but I still thought, “Hey, I should be thankful that I am fine and no one is hurt.” That could have changed something but it didn’t happen.
After that, they left. My classmate and I sat again but now we were both eating ice cream. After a while, I also left.
I walked along the same road again. Still the same. Not feeling anything. I thought I should be happy but it felt nothing. I just aimlessly walked away from that place, not thinking about anything and with nothing to do and nothing to reach for, with no destination in mind, I just continued walking.
I have said I felt nothing. I still don’t know what to do but I know that I still have to do something. I would walk and live every second of my life.
Life is unexpected. Things happen every now and then, sometimes we don’t even see it. We value each second we have. No one knows how much we still have. Seize every single day day you live as if it was your very first and last day living. Every second counts.
I’m just that stupid and really fly one.